Getting Funky in Marfa
*This is a post about SEX. If that makes you uncomfortable, don't read further.*
I love freelancing. I love the website and the blog that I am working to build. I love working on demanding, diverse marketing projects. What I don't love - my sex life has taken a MAJOR nosedive since I quit my 9 AM - 5 PM job. Ugh.
Here are my excuses:
I'm tired, I have too much on my mind, I need to spend more time with the dogs, the dogs are already in bed and I can't possibly move them, I haven't showered today, I'm working, The Bachelorette is on TV, I feel gross and fat and whatever else I feel, I'm too hungry, I'm too full.
The list goes on and on. I'm super self-conscious about this list because I know that I sound like an 80-year-old lady. I haven't even been married a year. I get that I probably sound insane.
Whatever. The fact is, I love my husband but I don't show him that as much as I should. If this sentence makes zero sense to you, read The 5 Love Languages, ASAP.
Luckily, I've found a few tips to help myself get my groove back, and to help you get yours back as well - that is, if you are also an eight-year-old old lady, or a hustling trying-to-be entrepreneur, like me.
1. Take a Vacation!
I'm here to tell you that yes, the drive through the Texas desert was long and hot, but spontaneity works WAY better for your sex life than eating oysters.
Not only were we able to spend a lot of quality time talking in the car (when I wasn't asleep), we found El Cosmico to be surprisingly couples friendly, from the wood-fired dutch hot tubs, to the "get busy" kit included in the mini-bar. Bonus points for the extra comfy beds and pillows and for, finally, no puppies sleeping between Patrick and me.
Bottom Line - Sometimes, you've just got to get away. Sometimes, a place that's not your bedroom is best.
2. Get Out Of Your Own Head!
Stop thinking about yourself. I've had to realize that when I say I'm too busy thinking about work, thinking about the dogs, thinking about dinner, thinking about us - what I really mean is -
I'm too busy thinking about myself.
A lot of times, it's okay to be busy thinking about myself. It's important to me that I don't lose myself as an individual person with an individual personality in my marriage. I'm okay with focusing on myself, my business, and my day-to-day action items most of the time. There comes a "getting busy" time, though, where I have to shut myself off. Here is what helps me be less selfish:
No Wi-Fi, No Television, No Email, No News (ugh, how depressing it is lately), No Dogs,
No Plans. Hence the vacation part, above. With no plans, as a couple you can get out of your own heads and get together, instead.
3. If You Can, Stop Thinking About Kids.
This might be a bit controversial, but here it is. I love kids, but I don't want them right now. I don't think I'll want them for a long time. I've been wrestling with that a lot though lately. Like, all the time. The reason I've decided that kids aren't currently for me is that the only time I have real urges to have kids is when I'm feeling a bit lonely or unappreciated. In my mind, that is NOT a good reason to have kids. Kids cannot fix what you are lacking in your marriage. Period. And that should never be their expected role. My marriage needs to be solid in every aspect - especially in the intimacy aspect - before I introduce children into the equation.
When it's just Patrick and I, we have a chance to have sex whenever we want, really. Whenever we want, we can enjoy spending quality and physical time together, but when we have kids, it won't be whenever we want. We've decided that we're going to take our sweet time being just the two of us. Eventually, when we decided that as the two of us, we would be happy to unselfishly pour our time into child, then god-willing, we can be three (or more?).
So what about you? Do you have the best sex life EVER? If so, help a sister out (kindly) and comment if you feel like you have great tips. If you needed a little bit of help, I hope that I offered you the boost you needed.
More on Marfa soon!